Public Service Announcement

If you have a friend who comes out to you as LGBTQ you should immediately distance yourself from them. As you know, those in the LGBTQ community are way more sexual than you straight people and are attracted to every person of their same gender. OMG, OMG, OMG, your gay friends all want you!

Okay, so I might have exaggerated just a little.

Or maybe just a little bit more than a little.

What’s right next to a bit more than a little?

Fine, fine I’ll admit to it, I’ve over-exaggerated… a lot! 

Of course this sounds extreme. I mean, to suggest that a gay man is attracted to every man he sees? That’s ridiculous.

Or that a lesbian is deeply attracted to all of her female friends? Unrealistic.

We have “types”, auras and personalities that draw us in towards attraction to someone. Yet it’s the fear that our straight friends will react in this distancing manner that can sometimes make the coming out process even scarier.

There are so many layers and things to be fearful of in the coming out process.

For instance, one of my friends has dated men her whole life and now, well into her Thirties has discovered she’s a lesbian. It’s not necessary for her to have a long conversation where she discloses all the intimate details of her story to every person she encounters, but she still wants those she interacts with to know about this realization. It can be tricky to find language that keeps it light so it doesn’t feel like a huge bomb went off, or turn into something that quickly takes over the entire conversation. Sometimes, we want to come out to our friends, but we fear – just as I was joking about – that our straight community will fear that we like them, or that by coming out, we’re attracted to them. It’s not about them. The coming out process has lots of different facets, anxieties and feelings associated with it.

Sometimes the coming out process is a great time to engage that awesomely funny personality of yours and use comedy to communicate your true feelings. When you can engage your fears with lightness, the coming out process can hold less anxiety than previously thought.

Here are the top 10 light-hearted ways to come out:

1)   “So you know how I used to date guys (woman says)… well I’ve decided to start dating women instead.”

2)   “So you know how I used to date women (guy says)… well I’ve decided to start dating men.”

3)   Person says to their friend “You’re cute and all, but so not my type…”

4)   Ask your friend if they wanna play hangman and have the sentence you create be, “I’m gay!”

5)   Make cookies that say “I’m gay” on them and then hand them out during your lunch break.

6)   You sit down with a friend and say, “Oh my gosh, I almost forgot to tell you… I’m gay!”

7)   Play the game “Two Truths and a Lie” and let one of the truths be that you’re gay.

8)   When you friend comes over to your place leave the door unlocked and get in the closet.  When they come in your front door jump out of the closet and say, “I’m coming out of the closet!”

9)  Status update on Facebook: “Great news, I’m gay!”

10)  Make up a knock knock joke.

This list isn’t meant to take away from the importance or depth of your coming out process because I know it will be one of the hardest things you will ever do. But because of the importance, there can be lots of extra pressure to do it perfectly, or to have deep, intimate conversations with every person you wanna tell.

I’m here to say, It’s okay if it’s not perfect and It’s okay to make the news brief and playful. It’s your story and your journey and only you get to decide how it’s communicated to those in your life.