Top 5 ways you can "try" on your queer identity

1.Engage with queer activists and educators on social media.

2.Explore your style by shopping for outfits outside your usual choices (consider thrift stores if you’re on a budget).

3.Experiment with wearing undergarments that differ from your typical gender norms.

4.Try painting your toenails, wearing makeup, or going makeup-free to express yourself differently.

5.Take a trip to a new city and explore your identity freely, without fear of being seen or judged by those who know you.

I have a photo of myself that captures a time when I was trying to fit into a mold that wasn’t mine, a straight one. In the picture, I have long, curled hair, a feminine sweater, a long skirt, and high boots. Looking at this photo, I connect with the struggle of trying to convince myself and others that I was straight, hoping my true self would disappear.

Over time, I began to accept my identity as a lesbian and allowed myself to embrace what felt authentic—skateboarding, painting, a nose ring, and streaks of pink in my hair (I was in my early 20's). It was a journey of discovering the clothes, hairstyle, and overall vibe that truly felt like me. After coming out, I experimented with men’s clothing and short hair, which I enjoyed but didn’t quite feel like a perfect fit. Now, nearly 25 years later, I’ve found a blend of masculine and feminine elements and everything in between that feels just right for me. 

As a therapist specializing in LGBTQ+ identity, I understand how challenging it can be to navigate the pressure of hiding your true self. When you're closted, safety is what's most important and safety means no one guessing that you're queer. It often means blending in and appearing straight, adjusting your appearance and behavior to meet societal expectations. So when you accept yourself as LGBTQ+ it can take time to explore your true identity. Give yourself lots of space, time and grace as you explore. 

-Candice Czubernat, founder of The Christian Closet