Top 5 Ways to make it through the holidays with a non-affirming family

1. Set Boundaries & Manage Expectations

• Set Clear Boundaries: Decide what topics or interactions are off-limits for you. Be prepared to walk away from situations that don’t feel right.

• Manage Expectations: Be realistic about what you can and cannot control. Focus on maintaining your own peace rather than hoping others will change.

2. Have an Exit Plan

• Plan Your Stay: Decide how long you want to stay and have an exit strategy, whether it’s taking a break, leaving the house for a walk, or staying somewhere else.

• Bring a Support Person: If possible, have someone affirming with you to provide emotional support and help balance out negative interactions.

3. Take Breaks

• Step Away When Needed: Take time to recharge. Whether it’s going for a walk, finding a quiet spot, or practicing self-care like journaling or meditation, give yourself moments of relief.

• Find Affirming Space: Carve out alone time or a safe space, even during gatherings, to escape and ground yourself.

4. Reach Out for Support

• Stay Connected: Keep in touch with 1-3 trusted people or supportive communities. Having someone to talk to can help you feel supported during difficult moments.

• LGBTQ+ Community: Stay in touch with affirming friends, groups, or online spaces to remind yourself of your support network.

5. Prepare for Difficult Conversations

• Know Your Limits: Don’t engage in conversations you’re uncomfortable with. You can politely redirect or shut down triggering questions or remarks.

• Prepare Responses: Think about how you’ll respond to hurtful or inappropriate comments in a way that protects your emotional well-being.

The holidays are tough, y’all. Let’s just say it: going back to family gatherings when you know your identity might not be fully accepted is like walking into a minefield… but with pie. Maybe you’ve got relatives who misgender you or ask invasive questions about your “lifestyle,” or maybe it’s the tense silences whenever you bring up your partner. It’s draining, stressful, and can leave you questioning why you even show up. I get it—there’s pressure to “keep the peace,” but it comes at the cost of your peace. It’s okay to feel conflicted, and it’s okay to feel exhausted by the whole thing.

Here’s my advice: set boundaries before you even step foot in that house. Whether that means limiting your visit to a few hours, staying at a hotel instead of crashing with family, or prepping a couple of polite-yet-firm responses for awkward questions, you’ve got options. Don’t forget, you can also tag in a supportive friend with a “rescue text” if things get too much—someone who can give you an excuse to step outside or leave early if needed. And if you need to skip the visit altogether for your mental health, know that it’s okay. Prioritizing yourself isn’t selfish—it’s necessary. After all, no holiday should cost you your well-being.

-Candice Czubernat, Founder of The Christian Closet